The Novelry on Writing Podcast: 5 Ways to Overcome Self-Sabotage

In this powerful episode of our new podcast, The Novelry on Writing, writing coaches Alice Kuipers and Mahsuda Snaith describe the different types of self-sabotage that can plague writers and how to overcome these obstacles to find joy in your writing once again. Read on for the episode transcript.

I think it’s far more useful to compare, not to other people and their journeys, because that’s all going to be different, but to your own journey and your past self. And be proud of what you’ve achieved, because it is so hard to write a novel.
—Mahsuda Snaith

Introduction

[Mahsuda Snaith] Hi, my name’s Mahsuda Snaith. I’m an author of book club, upmarket and literary fiction, and I’m also a coach at The Novelry. And I’m here today with Alice. 

[Alice Kuipers] Hi, I am Alice Kuipers. I am an author of YA and memoir, and so I work with writers who do both at The Novelry. I also teach flow. I’m really excited about getting writers into flow and on the page.

And so my focus with today’s conversation, the two of us together, I’m going to talk about how to deal with self-sabotage. We have five tips that we’ve been working on and the first one’s interesting. It gets you to think a little bit about what type of self-sabotage you’re dealing with.

Tip No. 1: Identify the problem

[AK] So that’s the first tip. Think about what type of self-sabotage you’re dealing with so you can then start to think about a strategy to make it happen where you get on the page.

So, for me, there are six main kinds of self-sabotage: overwhelm, procrastination, perfectionism, self-doubt, comparison—where you think every other writer’s better than you—and technical challenges, where you just don’t necessarily feel like you have the skill to write what you need to write.

Do you ever deal with any of those? All of those?

[MS] I think I deal with all of those, and I think most writers deal with all of those at different points of their writing journey. It’s kind of part and parcel of it, but that’s why I think it’s really important that, like you’ve just said, to figure out exactly what it is that’s stopping you writing because it could be one of a number of these, or a combination of overwhelm and comparison, or something else that’s stopping you get to the page.

[AK] Yeah. I think that notion of stopping writing is exactly what we’d love to help people with, because that feeling where you want to be coming to the page and you want to be writing, but you are not, and you are dithering around not working on something that’s really vital and important to you—it really doesn’t feel good. And it starts to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you don’t do it, the harder it gets.

Tip No. 2: Turn down the negative voice

[AK] So our second tip is to deal with self-doubt, where you really aren’t sure that you are the person who could ever write a book, but it’s to turn down that negative voice when you’re saying to yourself: I’m not good enough, I can’t do this.

[MS] Yeah, absolutely. That’s the voice, I think, that can really halt all your writing because it’s telling you: don’t even bother writing because you are not good enough. There’s plenty of other writers out there, who are you to think you can write a book? And it’s just not helpful.

So I always try and think and think about those voices that are coming up in your head, and are they stopping you from writing or are they showing you that there’s a different way? Like, I’m overwhelmed by this point of the story. Do I just stop? Or do I think: Oh, I’m going to try a different part of the story that I’m more excited about.

So you are still writing, but just really identify what exactly is stopping you from getting to the page.

[AK] For me, when I’m feeling like that self-doubt, I think of it as a mean girl on my shoulder, a bit like a bully, where she’s like: You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. Your book sucks. Like, that voice? And so, I don’t know if it’s reassuring because I’ve written lots of books and published lots of books and still that voice can get pretty loud sometimes.

And so actively turning it down, which is not easy, but really thinking: Okay, I need to just lower that volume. Like that voice is being loud and mean and why am I talking to myself like this? I could be a lot kinder or just not listen and just start writing.

Because for me, in the writing is how I turn it down, weirdly. Like if I sit down and kind of get through the—okay, she’s real loud right now but get to the writing—part, then it feels like, okay, she shut up a little bit.

I don’t know, do you do that? Is that how you do it?

[MS] I think what I do now is I think: Is this voice helpful?

[AK] Right.

[MS] Whatever is speaking to me and telling me what’s wrong or what needs to be sorted out or just to stop. Is it helpful, a voice that’s telling you you are not good enough to be writing this book, why are you even bothering? It’s not helping you out.

So I think just turning kindly to that voice and saying: Thanks for your feedback, but actually I’m going to keep trying and I need you to sit in the back seat right now! And allow the other voices that are far more constructive to be: Right, this is a really tricky bit for you. Maybe you need a rest, maybe you need to try a different angle for this particular scene. That’s helpful.

So just like switching that, like tuning you—you are basically tuning your ear to what that voice is doing. And if it’s making you stop, if it’s saying don’t bother, it’s not useful.

[AK] Yeah.

[MS] Try and listen to the voices that are helping you out.

Tip No. 3: Embrace the messiness

[AK] So our third tip is: that first draft is going to be messy. And I love this tip. I give it to our writers all the time, and I know that you do too, when you’re coaching. Like, you’ve got to just get into the heat of getting a story down and you can talk with your coach at The Novelry, or figure out yourself if you’re not working with us, is like how does your story kind of sound and shape outside of that hot writing hour where you just get the words down, right?

[MS] Yeah, totally. And as you just said, the first coaching call I usually have with the many writers we work at at The Novelry is saying: It’s okay. This is going to be a mess and it’s okay for it to be a mess.

I think all writers are naturally perfectionists. So we... Because we love reading, we want the writing to be perfect as soon as we put it, put the words down on the page. We want it to sound as good as the writers we admire and love.

And it never does, and it doesn’t for those writers either! They’ve got to work through lots and lots of drafts.

So just having that permission of having a messy first draft, and it doesn’t have to sound beautiful, and you are going to learn things along the way that means that you’re going to have to change half of it anyway. And it’s a discovery period, I think, is it gives yourself permission just to relax.

And that’s the thing, I think, why a lot of writers can’t get past the first chapter or so, is because they’re trying to get that first chapter perfect. And they’re not relaxed. They’re so tense. They want it to be so good. And the irony is, as soon as you let go of that, it’s so much easier. The writing flows so much better. So, yeah, that permission I think is so important.

[AK] Well, and I think it helps deal with perfectionism where you’re like: I’ve just got to get this perfect before I move on. And also procrastination, where you’re like: Okay, I’ve got to get it really good. So I’m not even going to start.

I don’t know, I kind of don’t let myself fail sometimes. So then I’m like: Okay, if I can’t get this as good as it could be, then I’m just going to stop. And I feel that as I’ve done this more, I’m not sure, I think I still come to each draft and think: This is it! I’ve got it! First draft, I’m knocking this one out the park!

So you kind of have to balance that overconfidence with the reality that, no, it’s going to be messy. 

Tip No. 4: Focus on the small steps

[AK] Our fourth tip is when you’re dealing with overwhelm, which seems to happen to me regularly. I feel like I deal with all of these things all the time and I’ve been doing this for so long. So I’m hoping these are helpful for other writers as they’re coming to it. Maybe that’s reassuring, that writers who have been doing this for a long time still go through these. But using these tools, I do manage to get draft after draft written.

So, for me, when I’m dealing with overwhelm, and I think this is really helpful, what I try to do is reduce the number of things I could be doing to a small step.

Our writing coach Amanda Reynolds has recommended leaving half a sentence from the day before. So you know, okay, when I come to the page tomorrow, I’m not going to do 95,000 things. I’m not going to write a whole book. I’m just going to write the rest of that line. And maybe that whole scene. Or, okay, I’m going to work on the dialogue between these two characters.

How do you deal with that, when you are feeling overwhelmed? 

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[MS] I think it is coming down to breaking it down to small steps. Because when you start writing a novel, it’s writing a whole novel, which is huge. It’s a massive task. It’s going to take you months.

But if you think: I’m just going to write a character description, or I’m just going to write the first paragraph, it just... It becomes less onerous and more achievable. And if you can’t write the first paragraph, because there’s a lot of pressure there, I’m just going to write, again, a piece that I’m really— I’m looking forward to writing, and I’m just going to explore that.

And it might be—for me, word count always stresses me out because then I get obsessed about whether I’ve hit that word count or if I’ve gone below it because I’ve edited, which often happens. I get into minus numbers and then I feel like a failure! Instead, I will think: I’ll put ten minutes on the timer and just write for ten minutes. And what often happens is I end up writing longer than that because I’ve started the process. 

So exactly like you said, with the half a sentence, I’ll try and look at the last paragraph I wrote so that I’m not going back and editing everything. And that usually propels me into writing more. And I’ll try ten minutes. It ends up being half an hour. So little steps, I think, make such a difference.

[AK] We talk at The Novelry a lot about a golden hour, like an hour of writing a day. And I have to remind myself of that when I’m in the middle of a draft and I’m like: I’m going to write for seven hours today! And then I’m like: I’m not. I’m not going to do that. It doesn’t happen. It’s not how I work. Let me just carve out an hour and work really well and work really hard and then deal with the other responsibilities that life and work and family are throwing at me.

And I like that, because it comes back to this notion of, okay, you need to clarify and remove things that are in the way of you being able to get to the book, to cut through that overwhelm so that the novel starts to become a shiny, beautiful thing rather than a nightmare. 

And I think our other coach, Emylia Hall, she’s a wonderful teacher and she talks about making the novel like a garden, like somewhere magical where you really want to be. And I love that feeling of, hang on, my book could be somewhere that helps me feel better and less overwhelmed by all the other things in my life, if I just find my way back into it.

[MS] I think that’s so important, actually. Just to remember why you wanted to write and there should be joy in there. I hate to put a should on there, but—I don’t like shoulding people! But we start to write because we love writing or we love reading, and just... It’s so easy to forget that.

And just to get back into that space, as you said, to think about why it’s the escapism is so great for you, why you love the world, the world of words, I think can bring the joy back. And so then it doesn’t become overwhelming because it’s your treat to yourself.

[AK] Well, I like your play workshops too, where you’re like: let’s just get playful. That word play, we forget quite a bit. And actually writing and being creative is about being playful, having fun.

[MS] Absolutely. You know, actually, that’s a really interesting point because we started the Let’s Play Writing workshops at The Novelry because we were finding lots of writers were getting stuck. And they just were in a rut and they were giving up. And so we thought: what can we do that will shake things up for them but won’t make them feel too pressurized? Pressurized about writing their novel?

And it was: let’s do some writing exercises, which I was quite used to doing as a kind of writing tutor outside of The Novelry. And what I found is just doing little ten-minute exercises, they usually link back to the novel. And lots of the writers have said that: Oh, this helped me get back into my book because I could see it from a new angle.

So just doing little things like that, just seeing things freshly, trying something completely different can really help you get back in.

Tip No. 5: Know where you’re at

[AK] Well, and this leads us to the fifth and final tip for today, which is: know where you are at on your writing journey.

It has resonance with this first tip, around figuring out what form of self-sabotage you’re struggling with. But this helps you really with technical challenges and comparison and forgetting to be playful, like we were just talking about.

Like when you think about where you are at, okay, so maybe you’ve not published a book before, you really want to write a draft, but you’re pushing yourself to be a New York Times bestseller, but you haven’t quite figured out the shape of your story yet.

When we put ourself in a place of comparison to somebody else’s journey—with anything, really, it’s not just writing—but writing, I think, is a useful way to kind of think about all the other things in life too, and a good reminder. This is where we’re at, this is where our story’s at.

Right now, I’m working on a crime novel for adults. I’ve published tons of books for kids and young adults. It’s taking time for me to figure out steps and stages. If I look at the success of other crime novelists, it kind of crushes that little tiny flame of the story. And I need to come back to: Hang on, where am I in my writing life and what’s my story? What’s my book right now?

And this is, again, another access point to getting back to the page and stop floundering in the self-sabotage land. Right? 

[MS] Absolutely. And of course, I do it as well. And I think social media makes it so much easier for us to compare ourselves to every single writer out there. And what I find is actually more useful for me, and more useful for the writers we work with, is to think: Well, where was I six months ago? I hadn’t written a word. And now I’ve got four chapters that are kind of getting into some shape. I’m thinking about the story more, I’m getting more writing time in.

And I try and remind myself—because even as a person who’s had two books published, I have moments of despair, as we all do—I’m thinking: Oh, but I want to do more. And then I think, well, ten years ago I was an emerging writer who really, really wanted to get a book published and I’ve got two out there now.

So I think it’s far more useful to compare not to other people and their journeys, because that’s all going to be different, but to your own journey and your past self, and be proud of what you’ve achieved.

Because it is so hard to write a novel. So many people want to do it. That’s the thing. And if you’ve started on it and you’ve got an idea, and especially if you’re with The Novelry and we’re helping you through it, you are getting more and more done and you’re getting closer to that goal.

[AK] Mmm-hmm. I work with memoir writers too. And you see, you know, they want to tell their whole story and their whole life and get everything in there and just figuring out, okay, this is... This is the bit you’re at. This is the piece we’re going to talk about now. 

I think that kind of helps me think about it too. Okay, this is where I’m at on my journey. This is what I’m trying to figure out now. But I like that. I like what you’re saying about compare to where you’ve been and where you are headed.

Okay, well, those are our tips for today. And I think both of us are pretty motivated to help our writers build a writing life. So hopefully it helps some of you guys listening to figure out how to get to the page, navigate which challenge you are dealing with.

Try one of these tips, let us know how it goes. And if you’re actually writing, that’s the most exciting thing.

Closing words

[Louise Dean] Thank you for joining us today. We are so pleased to have you along for the writing journey and we hope to see you on another episode of The Novelry on Writing.

If you’d like to learn more, visit us at thenovelry.com. From first draft to finished manuscript, at The Novelry you’ll enjoy one-to-one coaching from bestselling authors, live writing classes with award-winning authors and literary agents, and you’ll work with a publishing editor all the way for submission to literary agents toward a publishing deal. 

All writers learn from other writers, even the greats. Write your novel in good company. Join us at The Novelry.

We’ll show you how to start, coax your story into shape, and cheer you on to type The End.

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